Week 4 of lifestyle changes.
5 pounds lost so far and if I skip a day of working out, I seriously miss it. My body feels bluh, my muscles don't know what to do without being a little sore and pushed. I have noticed much more energy despite weather changes and this week being yet another migraine week. Somehow, it's better than the one I had a couple of weeks ago. Yay! Progress.
Same is coming true for my daily devotional time with Jesus. My mornings feel off if I skip a day. My problem now is not getting in 30 minutes a day. It's stopping after an hour because I need to get to my workouts so I have time to shower and get to work on time. My alarm keeps getting set further and further back. Now, if only my early bedtime would work out. le sigh.
I'm noticing changes. My attitude keeps changing. Stuff that didn't used to bug me does now. I notice foul, crass, and bad language now. I'm eager (once I'm awake) for my morning routine to begin. I'm making wiser choices with my diet. I do not crave what I used to crave. Sure, I have chocolate every other day or so... or maybe more often. I think about what and how much I am eating now. I am more disciplined. I am back to a healthier relationship with food. And it feels great.
As far as my writing goal: trying every week to write a new post on this blog keeps me writing and those creative juices flowing. Plus, this week has been full of filling out worksheets for story structure and plot lines, and doing more character developments. Very exciting to see ideas start to come together. We will see how this goes!
Financial Peace is going well, too. We have officially started the envelope system and our first zero balance budget. So many super helpful tools. Already, we are not spending as much as we were before and are actually saving a little.
My biggest challenge as I re-prioritize is to not stress to keep my goals, but to do my best to just, yeah, prioritize. If I have an off day, it's life: I will not despair. Life happens and this is my new life so, do not stress out and most of all, keep going. Do not give up.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
An Emotionally, Truthfully, Allegorical Tale of a Journey
Never did she expect to wander off the path. How could she? She was hand in hand with the One she loved the most. She skipped along childlike, unafraid, abrasively confident to the point of cockiness. When He said, "Go here" she went. When He said, "Give that woman $5 and tell her I love her." She obeyed with nervous joy. Whenever the dark clouds of depression and self-condemnation stormed above her, she ran into His awaiting arms: sometimes immediately, sometimes with a hesitation. She had been disappointed by others many times before. Their words, actions and inaction had left her abandoned, broken and frightened. More often than not, she felt the safest thing to do was hide: pretend everything was okay. Any time she had opened up to anyone besides her sisters or brother, she was not believed. Any time she tried to reach out to someone for rescue, it was denied her.
She began to come out of her shell when her youth minister reached out and dared to invade her world. At first, she was angry. Her wounds ran so deep and so pervasive she did not even recognize scars from flesh. Through his persistence and love, she finally started to open up. To heal: just not as deeply as she thought. Constantly, she heard His whispers, His calling to her. She was willing to leave all she had previously known behind. And she did. More hurt, misunderstandings and lies made her falter on the path. She was no longer skipping, now she was stumbling over some loose pebbles. The path did not seem so sure. Eyes faltering from His eyes, her grip on His hand slipped: He did not force her to hold on. She was not certain she trusted Him enough to cling to Him so tightly.
Desperately trying to back track, to find her previous sure footing, believing she had been misled: she moved back home. Surely He would not have led her to pain: further pain after all she had been through as a child. It felt like betrayal. There was no denying the distance. Another misstep: hoping her footing was sure once more. Her eyes locked on the precipice: the drop roared up at her. She seemed to wake from a daze to realize she was standing on the edge. Gravity pulled her: the crumbling edge evaporated beneath floundering feet.
Relieved, gasping in distress, she felt her fingers close over a jutting rock: she had not fallen completely. Arms closed around her. A strange man caught hold of her. His arms felt safe for a time, until he hurt her: he dropped her. Straight from his arms, she fell into another stranger's. Searching for something closely resembling the arms of safety she once knew. The cloud of depression hung low and dark. Rains of despair drenched every inch of her body, she had never been so cold. Thunders of anger echoed her cries. Trembling fingers gripping the edge of the jagged rock: her nails were split, bleeding. Searing pain racked her body. The rain weighed her down. She began to believe it would be best if she just let go. She wanted death. She welcomed it. In her waking hours she dreamed of it. She believed that was the only way to be close to Him once more. That was what she wanted more than anything. She longed for heaven: to leave this world of pain and anguish. She could trust no one. The men who caught her abused, raped, scarred, and abandoned her. After every encounter, she would long for death while fighting to regain a grip on the rock burrowing further into her fingertips. She missed the path: she longed for the path. More rains descended, more thundering rage: her tears were lost in the downpour.
Then the moment came, her ears tuned out the storm; a gentle whisper was calling to her. His voice. Not laced with anger or reproach as she had expected. She would have understood more if that were the case. The One she had once loved most continued calling out to her, asking her to let go, to come to Him. Arms throbbing and trembling, she glanced through them to see His face, full of love: strong arms beckoned. He stood below her in the cleft of the rock. Had He been standing there all along?
"Let go! Come to me." He coaxed."Even though your mother and father abandoned you, I never will." Turning away, eyes clouded by tears recognized the blood pooling down the cold, jagged stone as her own, coming from her fingertips. Could she really trust Him? Her grip slipped. She knew that if she fell, she would be lost.
Her heart was a mess of conflicting emotions. She wanted to be lost. She wanted to be abandoned: It was familiar. Yet she wanted to be safe and found in Him. She did not understand love. All she knew was what it was like to be left: forgotten. Yet, she longed to be remembered, cherished. For Him to hold her close and assure her all would be well.
Her eyes met His once more. He held out a tiny flame to her. She remembered His promise and whispered, "I would have given up all hope, if I had not believed I would see Your goodness in the land of the living." The flame sparked something deep inside. So, it started: hope rekindled. With a sharp breath, eyes closed, chest burning, she pushed herself from the edge. Her heart stopped until her eyes opened and she understood, He had been holding her all along.
She began to come out of her shell when her youth minister reached out and dared to invade her world. At first, she was angry. Her wounds ran so deep and so pervasive she did not even recognize scars from flesh. Through his persistence and love, she finally started to open up. To heal: just not as deeply as she thought. Constantly, she heard His whispers, His calling to her. She was willing to leave all she had previously known behind. And she did. More hurt, misunderstandings and lies made her falter on the path. She was no longer skipping, now she was stumbling over some loose pebbles. The path did not seem so sure. Eyes faltering from His eyes, her grip on His hand slipped: He did not force her to hold on. She was not certain she trusted Him enough to cling to Him so tightly.
Desperately trying to back track, to find her previous sure footing, believing she had been misled: she moved back home. Surely He would not have led her to pain: further pain after all she had been through as a child. It felt like betrayal. There was no denying the distance. Another misstep: hoping her footing was sure once more. Her eyes locked on the precipice: the drop roared up at her. She seemed to wake from a daze to realize she was standing on the edge. Gravity pulled her: the crumbling edge evaporated beneath floundering feet.
Relieved, gasping in distress, she felt her fingers close over a jutting rock: she had not fallen completely. Arms closed around her. A strange man caught hold of her. His arms felt safe for a time, until he hurt her: he dropped her. Straight from his arms, she fell into another stranger's. Searching for something closely resembling the arms of safety she once knew. The cloud of depression hung low and dark. Rains of despair drenched every inch of her body, she had never been so cold. Thunders of anger echoed her cries. Trembling fingers gripping the edge of the jagged rock: her nails were split, bleeding. Searing pain racked her body. The rain weighed her down. She began to believe it would be best if she just let go. She wanted death. She welcomed it. In her waking hours she dreamed of it. She believed that was the only way to be close to Him once more. That was what she wanted more than anything. She longed for heaven: to leave this world of pain and anguish. She could trust no one. The men who caught her abused, raped, scarred, and abandoned her. After every encounter, she would long for death while fighting to regain a grip on the rock burrowing further into her fingertips. She missed the path: she longed for the path. More rains descended, more thundering rage: her tears were lost in the downpour.
Then the moment came, her ears tuned out the storm; a gentle whisper was calling to her. His voice. Not laced with anger or reproach as she had expected. She would have understood more if that were the case. The One she had once loved most continued calling out to her, asking her to let go, to come to Him. Arms throbbing and trembling, she glanced through them to see His face, full of love: strong arms beckoned. He stood below her in the cleft of the rock. Had He been standing there all along?
"Let go! Come to me." He coaxed."Even though your mother and father abandoned you, I never will." Turning away, eyes clouded by tears recognized the blood pooling down the cold, jagged stone as her own, coming from her fingertips. Could she really trust Him? Her grip slipped. She knew that if she fell, she would be lost.
Her heart was a mess of conflicting emotions. She wanted to be lost. She wanted to be abandoned: It was familiar. Yet she wanted to be safe and found in Him. She did not understand love. All she knew was what it was like to be left: forgotten. Yet, she longed to be remembered, cherished. For Him to hold her close and assure her all would be well.
Her eyes met His once more. He held out a tiny flame to her. She remembered His promise and whispered, "I would have given up all hope, if I had not believed I would see Your goodness in the land of the living." The flame sparked something deep inside. So, it started: hope rekindled. With a sharp breath, eyes closed, chest burning, she pushed herself from the edge. Her heart stopped until her eyes opened and she understood, He had been holding her all along.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Second Week: What I've Lost and Gained
Week two of changing our life style. How's it going?
Well, on Monday (last week) I weighed myself, dreading the whole stepping on the scale thing, hoping that I had lost a pound at least. Well, I have lost 4 pounds! Definite motivation to continue working out and eating well.
Of course, this second week, I have had all sorts of things thrown at me to hinder my progress. This time around my body was especially cruel. I had two full blown migraine days in a row. And it still hung on two days after. So, there has been a bit less vigorous workout: but I have been logged 5-7 miles a day on my exercise bike. I decided to not give up: no matter what. There will always be something that will come along to try to break up my determination.
Second week of spending morning time with Jesus was as much of a workout as my physical workout. In addition to reading in the Bible and spending time in prayer, I have been getting my butt kicked by George MacDonald. Knowing the Heart of God is a compilation of MacDonald's writings, poems, etc. I felt moved to purchase this book probably 13 plus years ago. The first time I attempted to read it I did not understand half of what was being said so, I gave up after a couple of chapters. Several times over the past decade or so, I have started to get rid of the book, but each time I would feel a check that I would need it one day. Interestingly enough, when I determined to start spending time studying scripture, being with God, etc, that book immediately popped into my head. It has definitely been challenging, and rewarding.
What else have I lost? The weight of mistrust, negative attitudes, some bitterness. Of course some sleep as I attempt to wake up at 6:15 every morning to work out. Admittedly I go back to bed a little after 8 for about an hour and a half. But, for a lover of sleep, this is a sacrifice when I do not get to bed until 1 ever night. But, because of my staying up late (usually talking and hanging out with my sister) I am gaining a deeper relationship with my sister as we work through reestablishing our once air-tight relationship. Now to balance out and get figure out how to still hang out and get to bed earlier.
Another gain is a deeper relationship and unity with Clay. It's wonderful and encouraging that the more time you spend with God, the more your other priorities line up. Clay and I are furthering out healthy lifestyles by changing out priorities and taking steps to manage our free time more wisely. Most of last year we spent feeling frazzled, too busy, and over-committed. As we enter our third year together and second year of marriage, we are taking a serious look at what kind of a marriage we want and we are aggressively pursuing open, honest communication with each other, preserving and deepening our friendships, while growing together in Christ as we minister together and fellowship with our Church family.
Week one of Financial Peace was not nearly as difficult as I had anticipated. I feel we were already on the same team with all the debt we have previously tackled: we just needed better tools and to get a bit of a leg up on encouragement. All the leg work, tears, frustrations, long talks and budgeting from the previous year and half have not been in vain.
So far, this year looks to be full of hard work, with exciting potential for amazing, God sized results!
We can do this! On to week three of life changes!
Well, on Monday (last week) I weighed myself, dreading the whole stepping on the scale thing, hoping that I had lost a pound at least. Well, I have lost 4 pounds! Definite motivation to continue working out and eating well.
Of course, this second week, I have had all sorts of things thrown at me to hinder my progress. This time around my body was especially cruel. I had two full blown migraine days in a row. And it still hung on two days after. So, there has been a bit less vigorous workout: but I have been logged 5-7 miles a day on my exercise bike. I decided to not give up: no matter what. There will always be something that will come along to try to break up my determination.
Second week of spending morning time with Jesus was as much of a workout as my physical workout. In addition to reading in the Bible and spending time in prayer, I have been getting my butt kicked by George MacDonald. Knowing the Heart of God is a compilation of MacDonald's writings, poems, etc. I felt moved to purchase this book probably 13 plus years ago. The first time I attempted to read it I did not understand half of what was being said so, I gave up after a couple of chapters. Several times over the past decade or so, I have started to get rid of the book, but each time I would feel a check that I would need it one day. Interestingly enough, when I determined to start spending time studying scripture, being with God, etc, that book immediately popped into my head. It has definitely been challenging, and rewarding.
What else have I lost? The weight of mistrust, negative attitudes, some bitterness. Of course some sleep as I attempt to wake up at 6:15 every morning to work out. Admittedly I go back to bed a little after 8 for about an hour and a half. But, for a lover of sleep, this is a sacrifice when I do not get to bed until 1 ever night. But, because of my staying up late (usually talking and hanging out with my sister) I am gaining a deeper relationship with my sister as we work through reestablishing our once air-tight relationship. Now to balance out and get figure out how to still hang out and get to bed earlier.
Another gain is a deeper relationship and unity with Clay. It's wonderful and encouraging that the more time you spend with God, the more your other priorities line up. Clay and I are furthering out healthy lifestyles by changing out priorities and taking steps to manage our free time more wisely. Most of last year we spent feeling frazzled, too busy, and over-committed. As we enter our third year together and second year of marriage, we are taking a serious look at what kind of a marriage we want and we are aggressively pursuing open, honest communication with each other, preserving and deepening our friendships, while growing together in Christ as we minister together and fellowship with our Church family.
Week one of Financial Peace was not nearly as difficult as I had anticipated. I feel we were already on the same team with all the debt we have previously tackled: we just needed better tools and to get a bit of a leg up on encouragement. All the leg work, tears, frustrations, long talks and budgeting from the previous year and half have not been in vain.
So far, this year looks to be full of hard work, with exciting potential for amazing, God sized results!
We can do this! On to week three of life changes!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
All My 2013 Resolutions Have an Underlying Theme.
It's that time of year again. I've heard people talk about it being a new leaf, new chapter, a fresh start. But what about everything you drag along with you from the previous year? All piled and added to what you brought in the year before that, and before that and on an on. The image of Pigpen from Peanuts comes to mind: surrounded by this cloud of stuff hanging around you that you just can't seem to shake. I have never made resolutions I seriously determined to keep nor thought to myself "I have a fresh start with this new year!" once the giant ball descends in (let's face it) a pretty anticlimactic manner. But this year is a little different.
I fully intend to have made significant lifestyle changes by this time next year with the help of God and the support of my wonderful hubby.
Are you ready?
1-Spend 30 minutes with God every morning
I hear so often (usually from my own mouth) that there is absolutely nothing better than starting your day off with prayer and fellowship with God. As a follower of Jesus, I know I should desperately long to spend time with the most important Being ever... but, why is that one of the hardest things to do?
That is part of the beauty and irritation of faith: I worship and serve the God of the Universe who cannot be touched tangibly. I have felt Him invade every fiber of my being with His presence, no physical being can do that. I see His laughter, tears, touch, breath, and whispers in every corner of my life. It's awesome that He wants me to come before Him to pray, study His Word (the Bible) and spend time with Him. What an amazing, awesome opportunity. (and I mean that in the old sense of the word. Not the flippant way we toss them around)
So, why is it so hard to spend time with Him? Truth be told, I have no time for the One who created all time and sustains life every second I squander doing my own thing. This comes down to daily choices and priorities... ok, I'll stop preaching now.
It is not my intention to set a time limit to stick legalistically to, but this year I will spend at least 30 minutes every morning speaking, listening, reading Scripture and being with my Savior. I used to spend an hour or so every morning with Him and I have been longing for that time again. My priorities have been so skewed and it's long past time to change that.
Speaking of daily choices and priorities that leads me to...
2-The ever popular resolution: lose weight.
Ever since I was little, I had an unhealthy relationship with food. For reasons not relevant to this particular post, I have been a stress-eating hoarder, binger, and over-eater of all foods. It took me years (about 2009 to 2012) of aggressively rewiring my brain and eating habits to break this particular harmful relationship that even now I still slink back into at times. This, coupled with lack of an active lifestyle and regular exercise, has left me perpetually yo-yoing between 188-215lbs over the past five years. This time last year, I was 188lbs in size 14 jeans. As of yesterday, I weigh 206lbs barely in 16s. My goal this year? Lose 48lbs: get back to my healthiest weight of 160 in size 10 jeans.
How do I endeavor to do this? Make this not an emotion driven rush to lose weight, but a daily choice to exercise, stay active, eat right and make this my lifestyle, not a "diet."
One way to focus on the weight loss is by daily tracking my calories and exercise on myfitnesspal (highly recommend! I used it to get down to 188 last year... but didn't stick with it) and by engaging my highly visual orientation by using marbles to represent weight I've lost.
One glass jar has the pounds I have left to lose, the other one (currently empty) will house the marbles I take from the first jar to represent pounds I've lost. I saw two friends last year who used this method and they have had wonderful results. I decided to implement and my hubby is joining me, too. (His goals are a little less than mine but, this is not a competition, I tell myself.)
Losing our marbles is our goal! haha!
Mine are red, Clay's are clear.
3- Change Our Spending Lifestyle
This involves a continuation of about 2 1/2 years of our relationship. (We'll be married 2 years in April and together 3 in May!) We will continue to get out of debt and stay out of debt. We will be financially stable and be able to use the money God gives us however He wants us to.
We are kicking this goal off next week by starting Financial Peace University at our church. I still do not know all that this involves but, I am excited to see us continue to meet our goals with extra help and support.
4- Have a Manuscript Publication Ready
This was my goal last year as well. And I almost had it! Until I submitted my fifth draft to my editor (without have hashed through ideas with anyone, fully confident I had what it took to create a great story on my own) and she slashed it to pieces. Not really: but her prolific red penning did look like she wounded my once treasured manuscript. She was greatly encouraging: I do have a great story. I have what it takes. It just needs more work and redeveloping the story and further character development. I love this part of the process so, I have a lot to look forward to this year! It's a good thing my editor now lives with me! (Haha, yup! She's my sister.)
It's a matter of... you guessed it, priorities and daily choices.
Ok... That's it. I resolve to change my lifestyle by focusing on my priorities and daily choices.
That being said, I need to get to bed so I can get enough rest so I can get up early to workout with my hubby, spend time with Jesus, and possibly talk to my editor before I go into work.
Let the choosing begin!
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