As of Saturday, my husband and I have started a process of natural detoxing. How? Not through nasty drinks (ok, the first taste is startling, then it gets yummy!) but through juicing and eating more. We are not completely cutting out everything unhealthy or as we're coming to call it, "fake food" yet. Clay and I want to change what our bodies crave by becoming kinda vegetarian.
We went veggie and fruit shopping crazy on Saturday. I finally broke down and went for mostly organic: not paying attention to the labels but searching for the look and feel of veggies and fruits as I've seen them in the "wild" from my own garden (a few years back). We have bought a juicer. (for $50 at Wal-Mart) We are adding more veggies and fruits (in that order of importance) into our daily diet: slowly. We are not removing meat really at all, just cutting back because
it's expensive. We mostly eat chicken with the occasional beef or fish.
Clay watched a documentary last week on Netflix called "Hungry for Change" and (as he does when he's super excited about something) he kept talking about it. I became curious. On Thursday night, eating our Papa John's pizza, we sat down and watched it together. Nothing they said was new to me. I had read and heard all they said before but they had an excellent way of putting everything together so I was not trying to glean information from 20 different articles. They were not selling a product. And that's why I listened. Then it occurred to me. I've never met a fat vegetarian. So, I thought, Ok. let's give this a shot. Not as a crash diet, or a way to lose weight (even though I really hope it helps) but I mean, seriously, what do we have to lose?
As you may remember, we are on a budget so, I did cringe, thinking we would pay so much more
for healthy food than all the processed stuff we were accustomed to.
But, then I thought, hurm... If I am truly satisfied and not eating as
much, then I'm actually saving money, right? Our grocery bill actually convinced me that we will save money in the end. Again, we did not go crazy and buy anything that said "organic." We took our time, read labels, looked carefully at our produce and I think made wise choices.
Day two of nutrient rich food and I feel excellent! My emotions are a mess still but at least my stomach
isn't in knots like it has been for the past two weeks: Even my head
hasn't hurt as much.
Our goal is to juice at least one meal and add in more fruits and veggies throughout the day. We are trying to come up with new ways to prepare veggies apart from juicing. (I had my first experience with kale this morning and it was yummy.) Any other helpful hints?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
A New Normal
I weighed myself this morning. I have gained two pounds. Rather annoying when I'm used to losing a pound a week. Last week consisted of eating out and then a deal of stomach troubles also. Bluh for some foods tasting good but not being good for you.
On Monday, the day I found out about my Uncle's passing, I decided that queso, friends, and silliness was in order. So, with the boys dressed in nice shirts, bow ties, vests and dress pants and the two of us ladies semi-nice, we headed to get Mexican food. Fun was had. It helped keep me occupied so I was not totally consumed with grief.
Tuesday night was the emotionally explosive night of my week. My husband came home from work to me sitting on the kitchen floor, holding a box of Hamburger Helper, laughing and crying while the dogs attempted to lick my face. My sister wisely decided to help me make dinner and my hubby ran to Dairy Queen to fetch me a Blizzard because he's awesome like that. In the end, it was a very good thing he left because I all out lost it as I have only allowed myself to once before. My reaction stemmed from grief, stress, lack of sleep, and deep pain fostered from years of mother issues. My reaction startled me: partly because for the first time in my life I did not feel guilty for losing control.
This weekend, I was exhausted, but emotionally it has been amazing. My family has been wonderful, supportive, loving, and just themselves. (All except my mother, on whom I lost it and have not communicated with since Tuesday night. It's extremely complicated)
I feel victorious! I did fall into unhealthy eating habits: ok, I didn't binge. I decided that it would be wise to not push myself but allow my body (which felt achy, fatigued and worn) to rest so, I didn't do my morning workouts. So, I was not surprised at all that over the past two weeks I have gained two pounds. All I could think about on Friday was, I cannot wait to work out again and get back to normal. Today I hopped back on my exercise bike, excited to turn on Batman: The Animated Series. Apparently, working out has become my normal now. Have I at last formed a habit?
Ok... this may have been a bit random. My routine is returning to normal and my emotions are great: I'm just waiting for my brain and body to catch up.
On Monday, the day I found out about my Uncle's passing, I decided that queso, friends, and silliness was in order. So, with the boys dressed in nice shirts, bow ties, vests and dress pants and the two of us ladies semi-nice, we headed to get Mexican food. Fun was had. It helped keep me occupied so I was not totally consumed with grief.
Tuesday night was the emotionally explosive night of my week. My husband came home from work to me sitting on the kitchen floor, holding a box of Hamburger Helper, laughing and crying while the dogs attempted to lick my face. My sister wisely decided to help me make dinner and my hubby ran to Dairy Queen to fetch me a Blizzard because he's awesome like that. In the end, it was a very good thing he left because I all out lost it as I have only allowed myself to once before. My reaction stemmed from grief, stress, lack of sleep, and deep pain fostered from years of mother issues. My reaction startled me: partly because for the first time in my life I did not feel guilty for losing control.
This weekend, I was exhausted, but emotionally it has been amazing. My family has been wonderful, supportive, loving, and just themselves. (All except my mother, on whom I lost it and have not communicated with since Tuesday night. It's extremely complicated)
I feel victorious! I did fall into unhealthy eating habits: ok, I didn't binge. I decided that it would be wise to not push myself but allow my body (which felt achy, fatigued and worn) to rest so, I didn't do my morning workouts. So, I was not surprised at all that over the past two weeks I have gained two pounds. All I could think about on Friday was, I cannot wait to work out again and get back to normal. Today I hopped back on my exercise bike, excited to turn on Batman: The Animated Series. Apparently, working out has become my normal now. Have I at last formed a habit?
Ok... this may have been a bit random. My routine is returning to normal and my emotions are great: I'm just waiting for my brain and body to catch up.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Hello, life? Could you hold please....
On Monday, I began to create a new post. I know it has been a couple weeks: wherein I tried to think of interesting topics to blog about or to gather energy enough to write. I just may backtrack and share what growth occurred during that time but right now, my life is continuing after being on hold for a miserable two days.
At 1:43 Monday afternoon, I learned that my uncle had died. Completely unexpected. In fact, I had anticipated writing him a letter after blogging because I had put off writing one three days prior. The next hour or so was spent in shock. Ten years ago I had lived (for a year) right next door to him and my Grandma. I loved it. Some days I find myself composing her a letter in my head or searching my contacts to call her before I remember....oh...She passed away February 29, 2008. I then directed those letters to my uncle: to let him know he was thought of and loved. But, I more often then not, I get too caught up in every day life: convinced it is too boring to put to paper.
It has been a rough couple days: Actually, they have felt like a full week. Sleep didn't happen. I made an offer to drive my mother out to Utah (along with one of my sisters) to help her, console her, do whatever she needed. We (my family and I) scrambled to rearrange schedules and figure out finances all in the midst of keenly feeling the sudden loss of a man dearly loved by us all. I prepared my heart to go into the house where he passed. Where I had laughed with him and Grandma. To be hit by immense grief because I would be able to see where they are not...if that makes sense.
Last night was a huge mess for more reasons than I care to share. Let's just suffice it to say that my mother is making other arrangements: I am no longer making the voyage to the wilds of the Rocky Mountains. I no longer feel the pressure to not lose it so I can help my mother. I feel a great weight has lifted. I have waited all day for the tears to flow: in fact, my eyes have burned all day. I did not sleep well yet again last night. I have waited to feel the same overwhelming fatigue that has gripped every joint in my body over the past two days. I feel relieved. I have waited to feel guilty. (Some of it is because of mother issues, actually most of the turmoil is. But that's for another posting.)
This third day, I have felt great. My work day is full of (usually) giggly babies to tickle, feed, change, and occupy my time. My Daddy, my sisters, my brother, my husband and God have strengthened, soothed and consoled me with their love.
Grief is an odd thing. I know it affects every one differently every time. But, am I horrible for feeling relieved to the point it's like he hasn't died? I'm a little concerned that maybe I am just shutting it out of my mind for now thinking, "Oh, I'll deal with it later." (I have been known to do that) He was on my mind off and on all last week and I did not write. I'm thinking I should write the letter I was going to anyway. I've heard that doing something like that can help with closure.
At 1:43 Monday afternoon, I learned that my uncle had died. Completely unexpected. In fact, I had anticipated writing him a letter after blogging because I had put off writing one three days prior. The next hour or so was spent in shock. Ten years ago I had lived (for a year) right next door to him and my Grandma. I loved it. Some days I find myself composing her a letter in my head or searching my contacts to call her before I remember....oh...She passed away February 29, 2008. I then directed those letters to my uncle: to let him know he was thought of and loved. But, I more often then not, I get too caught up in every day life: convinced it is too boring to put to paper.
It has been a rough couple days: Actually, they have felt like a full week. Sleep didn't happen. I made an offer to drive my mother out to Utah (along with one of my sisters) to help her, console her, do whatever she needed. We (my family and I) scrambled to rearrange schedules and figure out finances all in the midst of keenly feeling the sudden loss of a man dearly loved by us all. I prepared my heart to go into the house where he passed. Where I had laughed with him and Grandma. To be hit by immense grief because I would be able to see where they are not...if that makes sense.
Last night was a huge mess for more reasons than I care to share. Let's just suffice it to say that my mother is making other arrangements: I am no longer making the voyage to the wilds of the Rocky Mountains. I no longer feel the pressure to not lose it so I can help my mother. I feel a great weight has lifted. I have waited all day for the tears to flow: in fact, my eyes have burned all day. I did not sleep well yet again last night. I have waited to feel the same overwhelming fatigue that has gripped every joint in my body over the past two days. I feel relieved. I have waited to feel guilty. (Some of it is because of mother issues, actually most of the turmoil is. But that's for another posting.)
This third day, I have felt great. My work day is full of (usually) giggly babies to tickle, feed, change, and occupy my time. My Daddy, my sisters, my brother, my husband and God have strengthened, soothed and consoled me with their love.
Grief is an odd thing. I know it affects every one differently every time. But, am I horrible for feeling relieved to the point it's like he hasn't died? I'm a little concerned that maybe I am just shutting it out of my mind for now thinking, "Oh, I'll deal with it later." (I have been known to do that) He was on my mind off and on all last week and I did not write. I'm thinking I should write the letter I was going to anyway. I've heard that doing something like that can help with closure.
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