How did my resolutions from 2013 go? So glad you asked!

My 2013 Resolutions:
1- Spend at least 30 min w/ God every day.
I did not necessarily spend every single day with 30 minutes or more of devotional times. But, the majority of my mornings were spent doing that very thing. In doing that, I returned to writing in my journal. My time with God became an important part of my day: and that by far was most important.
One way I decided to focus on Scripture reading was that I decided to finally read through the entire Bible. I have ready every book of the Bible, but never all the way through in one year.
I met that goal!

2- Lose Weight/Healthy Lifestyle
After a year of yo-yo-ing 5lbs here, 5lbs there: right before Thanksgiving, I had lost 18 lbs: I gained back 3 lbs over the Holidays. That isn't that bad, I suppose.
I started the new year with being barely a size 16 and weighing 206.
This morning, I weighed 191 and wear a size 14. 

15 lbs lost. The marbles are a
good motivational tool :)

Pretty good considering the year I have had.
The most exciting of all is that I think I have finally overcome the hugest part of my previous food addiction! I am looking forward to what I can accomplish this year now that I have a lifestyle of being active and enjoying healthy foods.
I even learned to love oranges this year!

 



3- Spending Life Style Improvement
We completed Financial Peace University. We have completed Step 1: Create an emergency fund of $1,000 in savings. Step 2 comes after step 3, silly enough. But, we are still held up at Step 3: Pay off Debt. We have paid off a total of $10,550 of our debt. In doing so, we have paid off a credit card, two school loans (small, but something!) and reduced steadily our debt.  Those are some things to celebrate!

4- Manuscript Publication Ready
My manuscript is not ready by any means.
I did, however, participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in November: the goal of which is to write 50,000 words in a month. I wrote 26,303 words. Then the Holidays happened. I took the plunge though, I worked on it and realized I accept too many excuses from myself. They are not reasons, they are excuses.

That is how my resolutions went! I had an overall theme last year of making better daily choices to creat a new kind of lifestyle. Over all, my first year of making a resolution was a success, I think. I made progress on all my goals and completed one. All this is a good motivation for my New Year's Resolutions as I start 2014.  :)

Welcome to your 30th year, Mercy

    I made an interesting discovery on my birthday: all thanks to my husband and one of my best friends scheming to throw me a spectacular 30th birthday party.
    Clay plotted and tried his best to keep secret that he was throwing me a 90's themed party for my birthday. I admitted to him on my birthday, (this past Sunday, the 15th) that I suspected and my  suspicions of the theme were confirmed earlier that week. (BTW...if you create a Spotify playlist and your account is linked to Facebook it will not remain a secret for long) I told him "As long as it's better than my 90's actually were, then we're set." My 90's were second to worst time in my life. First probably being '07-Feb'09.  I digress... I was nervous as all get out. Every time I had heard about the 90's, someone was commenting how backwards my adolescence was. No one could believe how little I knew, how few movies I watched. So, in college, with the help of some friends, I aggressively tried to catch up on my "lost" experiences: only to feel I constantly came up short.
   The majority of my 90's was spent steeped in depression, guilt, shame, accompanied by the overwhelming self-centered egotistical self depreciation I think most adolescents encounter. I thought I was the most hideous, dorky, gross, unlovely person ever. Additionally, my home life was riddled with drama and trauma. My mother prohibited us from being part of "the world" outside of church events. She relaxed considerably when I was out of middle school: In the meantime we would sneak and watch TV when she was at work, or we were at friend's houses.
    On my birthday, I discovered that I was cooler, by the standards of the 90's than I thought. I was taken out to Goodwill to pick out an outfit and I have an "in" style and didn't even know it. Ha! I even broke out my butterfly clips I just could not stand to part with.
    I felt like a kid again, but not with all the emotional instability of puberty. It was good. It was nice to not be called names and discover similarities in others, and connect with friends. For the longest time, I've heard many people bemoan my shelteredness. So, I discovered a lot of 90's fun in the 2000's... a little behind, but pshhh... It's more fun to have friends introduce you to their life. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel at a disadvantage: as if my upbringing made me inferior.
   I'm 30. And I feel like an adult. I finally cherish my upbringing. Hmmm.
   When is a time that you, pleasantly, discovered you were not as _________ (fill in the blank) as you thought?

Suggestions for Helping a Grieving Friend.

In light of my most recent experience with loss I have observed how others handle another person's grief. I have made some of these mistakes in the past, and have experienced the blessings of people getting it right (at least for me). Yes, I realize everyone grieves differently. Yes, I realize everyone needs different things. I have been blessed, and also incredibly hurt on top of this grieving process. 

Kinda want to give people some heads up... Maybe address things no one else seems willing to talk about. 

This is my list of things I have discovered and ranted on over the past month.  

1- Everyone says "If there is anything I can do..." But few people actually mean it.

 I mean really mean it. Since coming home after Mom's memorial service, I had a total of four people do this well or even make an effort. 

I even attempted asking for help. I listed everything I needed help with around the house. It took a great deal of effort for that to happen. I had two responses. That is disheartening to say the least. 

If you really want to "do anything" it is so much easier on an already overwhelmed, emotionally vulnerable person if you offer specifically what you want to help with. Example. "I want to clean your house for you. Can I come over on Tuesday night?" Or even, " Are you home? I'm bringing you dinner tonight?" Don't leave it up to a grieving person to contact you for help. 

It is hard to know who you can truly depend on. The weeks after her death and the memorial service I needed just as much help, if not more, than right around the memorial.  At the service, I was surrounded by the love of people I grew up with, my friends, and my family. It's the "return to normal" where things got raw. Where love is desperately needed to be felt. Which leads me to-

2- Dont underestimate the power of a text message, or Facebook message, or just personally checking up on someone. 

It is not enough to just show a grieving person support up to or at the funeral or memorial service. 

True, some people want to just move on. But some of us get very angry that every one moves on and in a sense, forgets about us. That's what I dealt with. Not that I wanted special treatment. I just wanted acknowledgement with just a question "How are you doing?". That is a good reminder that you remember I'm going through a tough time. 

3- If you are unsure...ask!

If you don't know if I want company or need my space...ask

If you don't know if I have energy to make dinner...ask 

If you don't know if my poor husband needs a break from my processing and grief...ask

If you don't know if I want to get away from it all...ask 

This is closely related to the above rantings. 

The response I have gotten most often when I rant to my hubby about the lack of response from people has been... Most people don't even know what to do or say. All I could think was... Why don't they just ask?

When in doubt...ask. Offer. Avoid hurt feelings. 

4- Actions speak louder than words. 

Even in grief. You may have had the best of intentions, but intentions mean squat. Doing something speaks volumes. Especially in the weeks after. Heck...this is good to remember all the time. 

Ok.  I think I'm done now. 

What has been something specific and memorable that has helped you in a time of grief?

Which of my observations and rantings do you agree with or disagree with?

My Before I'm 40 Bucket List Part 1

In two months to the day, I will turn 30. Coupled with recent events in life, I have thought of what I have accomplished thus far, what goals I have met, etc. Thanks to an article by Jesse Carey in RELEVANT magazine entitled, "The Before You're 40 Bucket-list" I have created a Before I'm 40 Bucket List. I left some of his suggestions along with his descriptions, as well as substituted a couple of his items for some of my own. 

So...here are the first 10 of the 20 things I hope to accomplish before my 40th birthday:

1- Read the Entire Bible: 

I realized that I have read the entire Bible throughout the course of my life, quite a few times. But never made it deliberately through the Bible in a year. 

So I started it this year in January. I read anywhere from 1-3 chapters almost every day of the week (usually 5-6) from 2 books of seperate genres. I started out reading from an Old Testament and a New Testament book, but then started running out of NT books so, am saving 3 for later. 

So, for example. I am reading through 1 Samuel (a historical book), and starting Ezekiel (a prophecy book) tomorrow . Genesis and Revelation I am leaving for last, because I have read through those books so many times in my previous failed efforts to read through the whole Bible in a year. 

2- Finally Achieve My Goal Weight:

Why do I feel that I am always going to struggle with this? 

And that's kind of the point. I will keep trying to be healthy.  

3- Run a Marathon (or Some Kind of Endurance Race)

No matter what your current fitness level is, there are lots of options for you to take part in an endurance race. Whether it’s a 5K, Tough Mudder or a full-length marathon, choose a distance you’ll actually have to train for a few months to complete. Part of the joy of the accomplishment is looking back at all of the hard work you put in.

Now, this is one I would more likely do a walk than a run. This would be an accomplishment indeed. 

4- Watch Every Film on the AFI Top 100

Back in 1998, the American Film Institute polled 1,500 leaders in the film community and asked them to help assemble the top 100 American movies ever made. The list (which was updated in 2007) contains some movies that you’ve probably already seen (like Rocky, Forest Gump, Star Wars and Jaws) but its the deeper cuts (like Rear Window, Stagecoach, Duck Soup and All Quiet on the Western Front) showcasing the evolution of filmmaking and American pop culture, that make the task of watching each film such a rich experience.

This is one Clay and I have talked about accomplishing anyway so, this could be fun :) Considering I've only seen 2 out of the titles he listed...I think I have a long way to go. 

5- Pick a Country and Go Visit

Before you turn 40, pick at least one country that you’ve always wanted to visit, and make it happen. Create a plan to save a little money and store up some vacation time to go to the one place you’ve always wanted to see.

Le sigh... I have several countries I have always wanted to visit. The main two would be Germany and Great Britain (I know it's not 1 country but, yeah)  It takes a lot of money...that we are currently using to pay off debt. 

6- Speak a Second Language

If you are picking a country to go visit, why not try to also learn the language spoken there?

I started learning German and took Spanish at Asbury. I was once conversational in ASL. I want to do this. Maybe I still can. I would have time while we are saving up to go to learn German. 

7- Write Letters to the Five People Who Have Most Impacted Your Life

Don’t make the mistake of not telling the important people in your life how much they’ve impacted you. Even if the letters are short, sometime before you turn 40, think of the five people who have helped shape you as an adult, and let them know what they’ve meant to you.

Maybe I should still do this even though some of those people have passed on. 

8- Watch Every Season of a Few Great TV Shows

We are living in a golden age of television, in which critically acclaimed shows are the new Great American Novels. Pick out a few of the shows that will be remembered for making serialized TV important again, and watch them in their entirety. Marathon through a series like Arrested Development, The Walking Dead, The Wire or Breaking Bad, and see how the medium of television was reinvented in your generation.

Not sure entirely how noble a venture this is but, thanks to Netflix, Clay and I are working on it. Is there a list of these somewhere or is it just understood what shows are "great"?

9- Give Away Something Really Expensive

Before you turn 40, you should know the feeling of giving something away that costs a lot of money. Maybe you pool money with a couple of friends to buy a car for a single mom in need. Maybe it’s plane tickets for friend to go on a mission trip. Maybe it’s a bunch of really nice Christmas presents for kids who wouldn’t get any otherwise. At some point in your twenties or thirties, make it your personal goal to save enough money to give someone else something amazing.

I think this would be great! This is why we want to eliminate debt. So we CAN do stuff like this. 

10- Create Something New Every Week

Whether it is a drawing, writting something, painting, needlework, flower arrangement, or do gardening. Do something creative at least once a week. :) 

My Before I'm 40 Bucket List Part 2

In mid December, I will turn 30. Coupled with recent events in life, I have thought of what I have accomplished thus far, what goals I have met, etc. Thanks to an article by Jesse Carey in RELEVANT magazine entitled, "The Before You're 40 Bucket-list" I have created a Before I'm 40 Bucket List. I left some of his suggestions along with his descriptions, as well as substituted a couple of his items for some of my own. 

So, here are the other 10 out of 20 things to accomplish before my 40th birthday:

11- Apply for Your Dream Job

Don’t look back later in life with regret, wondering what could have been. Even if you don’t think you’re qualified for the job you’ve always dreamed of, at some point in your twenties or thirties, apply for the job you've always wanted. It may not lead to any dramatic career choice, but unless you give it a shot, you will never know.

My dream job has always been to be a stay at home Mom. There is not an application processfor that. But, I most definitely hope to make it there before I'm 40.

12- Take the Stage. Alone

Preach a sermon. Try stand-up comedy. Deliver a TED-like lecture. Find an opportunity to be alone on a stage in front of a crowd with nothing to move them but a microphone and your own thoughts. Public speaking can be terrifying—but it can also be exhilarating .

I have soloed often. The most impactfull stage moment occurred not entirely by myself: I spoke at my mother's memorial service following my four siblings. I was the one who introduced the congregational song. I should do this at every opportunity I can. 

13- Go on Another Road Trip of at Least a Thousand Miles

I've moved cross country before and rode and drove from NC to L.A already. I hope to make it back west, though. We have talked (my siblings and I) of going to Utah together. I really hope this happens. 

14- Write a Short Story

Everyone has a good story in them. Take the time to craft at least one good short story at some point in your twenties or thirties. You don’t ever have to publish it or even share it with anyone else, but it’s an exercise of self-analysis that everyone should go through at least once.

I thought it interesting that he put this on the list. I wrote my first story when I was 6. It was pathetic, but a start. My bucket list is to be a published novelist before I am 40. At one point in time (just last year, in fact) it was before I am 30. But this is not happening. I am at least working at it.

15- Go On a Mission/Humanitarian Aid Trip

The only thing that has prevented this before now is finances and times off work.I would even be open to going on the mission field for a year or so. If the opportunity presents itself.

16- Learn to Play a New Instrument

Grab that old guitar sitting in the attic, pick up a harmonic or go ahead and purchase that drum set you’ve always wanted. Who knows? Maybe you even a have a hidden talent that’s just waiting to be discovered.

Yay, guitar, viola violin.....I have always wanted to play piano, though: much better than I already pick out. But, we have no room for a piano. Not my mother's parlor grand piano anyway.  

17- Find a Mentor and a Mentee

You’re never too old to learn from someone older than you—and to teach someone younger.

I have tried for years to find a mentor. The closest I have is my sister. Not sure what I am doing wrong. Maybe it's my lack of quick trustin other people? 

I have been a mentor before. Wouldn't mind doing it again.

18- Memorize the Lord’s Prayer, the Apostle’s Creed, the Great Commission and the Beatitudes

By memorizing these relatively short items, you’ll be able to recite four key principles of Christian faith—how to pray (the Lord’s Prayer), your calling (the Great Commission), the teachings of the Gospel (the Apostle’s Creed) and how to live (the Beatitudes). 

Done it! Also know the Nicenene Creed thanks to years at the Episcopal Church. Maybe I can do more theology study and all that, too. 

19- Face your fear

Whether it’s public speaking, an aversion to water, the fear of rejection or a dislike of flying, you don’t have to totally conquer your fears in your twenties or thirties, but you should face them. Sign up for swimming lessons, go to Toast Masters or even seek counseling. Taking steps to control your fear as an adult will make sure it doesn’t have to control you.

Sometimes I feel I face a fear nearly every week. There has been at least one fear I conquer every couple of years. I used to be a terrified child and in a state of constant anxiety. 

Biggest fears I have faced this year: riding through an under water tunnel (fear of drowning). Responding to my mother's death: the fear that I had not truly forgiven her. 

My biggest fear to conquer is my own perception of what others think/will think of me. Not be intimidated by perceptions or misbeliefs. 

20- Sponsor a child

There are a ton of organizations (World Vision, Compassion International, ChildFund International), that will let you sponsor a child in need for less than your cell phone bill. 

I have sponsored a total of 3 children. This year, though, Clay and I started sponsoring a child together. A boy through the orphanage our church sponsors in India. 

Lessons Life Has Taught Me: # 2

Lessons Life Has Taught Me# 2  I Have "Traditional" Variations to Grief
 
    Sometimes I feel I was born in the wrong century. 
    Normally, I would say this in reference to my love of history. But this time it is because I feel more at home in the Victorian morbid grieving practices. (I do not mean Edwardian/turn of the century as most wrongly think. I mean during the reign of Queen Victoria.) Now, I won't go so far as wanting a window on my loved-ones casket so I can always gaze on their face through a tunnel/glass concoction like some Victorian's would. But, I am not weirded out or creeped out by death: Some of this I attribute to my faith, some of it I attribute to my own morose side, some is from having experienced death so many times. 
    The year 2013 has been a year of deaths, escalating deeper sorrow in me. 
A former classmate from Asbury passed tragically February 6th
I found out my uncle had unexpectedly died March 3rd.
July 16, I had to make the choice to put down my beautiful husky (with a bit of wolf to boot), my "baby girl", Sabrina. She had cancer. 
On Friday, September 20, my mother had fallen, was flown to Louisville for surgery and her heart gave out on the helicopter ride. Just like that. 
     If I would not make people I had completely lost my mind, I would don the traditional black ribbon on the arm or dress all in black. If only I had a proper Victorian black gown. Alas! 
I wanted a picture with my dead puppy- much like some mothers would pose with their deceased baby: but I was convinced by my husband it would be too creepy so, I resisted.
    There are some things I have not veered from Victorian morbidity: I keep locks of hair in a special place. I neglected to get Sabrina's locks, but I keep her collar. It took me weeks to clean her nose prints off the front window. I have a shelf in my house designated to pictures of loved ones who have passed on. Two days after my mother's death, I came back home before heading back up to Madison to help settle things. I ached to decorate for Halloween. So, I did: The house needed to be as morbid and spooky as I felt. 
     I have been accused of being morbid: the way I deal with death is to make jokes, try to set everyone else at ease: Few people see when I am alone: when I weep until I no noise comes. 
Grief is messy. Many people have offered, but few have followed through and entered into it with me. Sometimes I ache for others to join me. And it's not because I want everyone sad or anything. It's because grief is something that can make you feel so utterly alone: only you grieve like you.  
    So, maybe I'm not so weird as I thought. I'm quirky. I'm weird. I am still trying to remind myself that I am allowed to grieve however helps me.
  


 

  

No Further Up The Mountain

Le sigh.

      Gained 2 pounds on vacation. Lost 1 1/2 of those pounds last week then gained it all back this weekend. Trying my best not to get discouraged. But to see my plateau weight again (which I finally moved past right before vacation) is, admittedly discouraging. But, not enough to give up. 

       Our new diet lasted all of one day. We realized how much it would cost to purchase only meat, fruits and vegetables. In one day we had consumed more of our groceries than anticipated (meat is expensive and fresh vegetables require eating a lot of them to feel satiated) and with our penny pinching so we can conquer debt.. yeah. Pus, I was super, super grouchy: stressing over the groceries, menu, and life returning to "normal" after vacation. So, I continued the diet for 2 more days- still hoping to test food sensitivities. On Wednesday night, I tried a bowl of cereal. I checked my heart rate and it maintained itself at 78 bpm. So, no skim milk or cereal sensitivities. 

       Then there was Saturday night.... I will never ever eat again spinach and artichoke dip or potatoes when we're eating out. Still need to test a pure and simple baked potato to see how I react. For now I think it is a combination of oils used to fry in restaurants and potatoes and whatever they use in creamy foods. But, we will see. The experiment continues even if the paleo diet is not strictly adhered to. 

        My lunches last week consisted of lovely salads, some cantaloupe or apple for breakfast and celery and carrots for a snack. I intend to continue that this week. And step up my exercise. I've increased intensity, but in shorter times. Now I need to increase the times along with the intensity. 

I can do this! I would love to reach my goal weight by my birthday. Only 35 more pounds to go. It's taken me 8 months to lose 15 (but only about 5 or those months I was working hard at it) Trying my hardest not to get discouraged. 

         

One Goal Met: New Level of the Mountain to Climb

This update has been long in coming, I know. 

    I finally reached the goal weight that I had set for April! I have lost 17 pounds, I was down to 188. Then we went on vacation. Thankfully, I only added back 2lbs 6 oz. Considering we were not very active beyond walking places, and ate out every night, I am pleased. I tried to be smart and not over eat or get things too horribly unhealthy. I was super encouraged that I desperately missed working out in the mornings. My working out habit has successfully ingrained itself! 

    Being on vacation, eating all sorts of foods we haven't had for a while as we are trying to eat healthier, my stomach reacted more violently than it has for a long time. This has convinced me of what I have suspected for years: I most definitely have some food intolerances and sensitivities. I did some research online and decided I should do the good old stop eating certain foods for a time, then reintroduce them.

    So today, Clay and I have started a very basic diet. We are not eating any grain or dairy or legumes. (the source of many people's intolerances) and are eating fruits, vegetables, and meat (including all nuts but Peanuts,which are actually a legume). My exception to dairy is my ranch salad dressing. If i'm eating tons of salad, I must at least enjoy the flavor a little!  I have a feeling I will be sticking to this one more than Clay. Especially since he does not have any known allergies or intolerances. He is interested to discover if he does after-all. 

    After 2 weeks, we plan on evaluating where we are and how we feel. I do not know when, but we will slowly introduce back the food groups we have stoped eating. I am hoping to be able to diagnose the main culprits to my several digestive and weight-loss issues. Those who know I interact with in the next few weeks... please bear with meis I get exceptionally grumpy. I may be craving bread, or a nice, tall glass of milk. :) 

Dear Ex...

     Why do exes think it's ok to message you? 

      My first thought was, "Who do you think you are?" Followed by, "How dare you invade my life again! Why in the world should I care that you are glad I'm happy, married, finished school and settled down?" And in my head, (I blush) some very bad words.

      I wanted to message him that response. I wanted him to know in no uncertain terms that I was angry. He was the last person in the world I wanted to hear from. I wanted him to know I am not ok with his messaging me. I didn't respond though and do not plan to. 

      After mulling over it some more today, and recalling the half dozen other times exes have messaged me, I came up with a list of things I wish I could tell him but never will. Not just the particular ex who messaged me last night, but to all my exes. 

      The list was the most surprising to me out of all my reactions. 

1- Thank you for the abuse, lies, deceit, and for destroying my life. 

Because now I know what it means to walk in truth and my life has been made new. 

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

2- Thank you for stealing from me physically and financially. 

Because now, at last, I believe I am valuable because I am me and not just for what I have to offer. 

Plus I am better about my finances and know to listen to my gut. 

3- Thank you for teaching me that just claiming to be a Christian doesn't mean you are. 

This taught me about myself. It taught me to be picky, hold my standards high and trust God. This lesson took longer than most but now I have a husband who sees being a Christian as more than a title: it's a lifestyle of imitating Christ and he is seeking to live that out. 

4- Thank you for haunting my dreams and memories and turning them into nightmares. 

Now I can never forget where I've been and what God has rescued me from. It's humbling. It's awesome.

5- Thank you for being the reason I hit rock bottom and realized I would rather die than not pursue Christ and become who He created me to be. 

I will never forget the night of horror when you did what you did and I cried out to Jesus. i am seeing dreams fulfilled as i pursue my beautiful Savior. Thank you.  

6- Thank you for being one of the reasons I learned how vital and freeing forgiveness is. 

That even now, after my initial shock had anger have passed, I am full of gratitude. That I can now pray for you...and mean it. 

I am not who I once was. I did not know how deeply God has worked in me and my heart's  response has shown me that. So, yes, Dear Ex, my last note of gratitude is...Thank you for messaging me.

40 days...or rather about 10.....

 My husband and I decided to do a 40 day media fast of sorts. Our purpose was to see ways we are potentially wasting time on things that are insignificant in the long run. So! 

1-We agreed to only listen to Christian music.

2-We agreed to not spend time reading books just for recreation. 

3-We agreed to not watch movies. 

4-We agreed to not get on social networking sights or on the Internet unless we were getting in touch with friends and family.

This was week 3 and we've kinda given up pursuing the fast.

1- Our music has mostly stayed Christian. I wanted to see how different our attitudes would be if that's all we listened to. We're still trying to stick with it despite some non christian songs mixed in and I feel there is less irritation and bad moods: especially when driving.

2- The second point was more directed towards me, because I'm the most likely of us to spend hours reading. So, I limited myself to reading research, or writing help books. Because of that, I've finished 5 research books I was putting off. I have worked through 3/4 of a writing tools workbook full of exercises to make my writing skills (hopefully) better. I feel accomplished and productive. I forgot how much I love reading research. 

3- Our first 2 weeks of not watching movies actually produced a lot more conversation than we've had in a while. We enjoyed playing some board and video games, hanging out, talking and even had a date night. Yay for spending time together! 2 days ago, we needed to veg and just watch a movie. So, we did. Tonight, we're going to the movies with friends. 

4- Our limiting Facebook failed almost immediately because of events we needed to be updated on and well, notifications kept me scrolling and... yeah. I now recognize I shouldn't be on Facebook while neglecting those I am around. So that is my new challenge. 

So, there is that. We may not have stuck with the fast, but I believe we are more aware of the time we spend and how we spend it. So, I guess it was a success after all?

Have you ever tried a fast like this? Did you end early because you feel you accomplished your goal?Or, is it better to stick through to the end despite everything to discipline yourself?

Lessons Life Has Taught Me: # 1

    I intend for this to be a series of posts. So, I want to preface all of them with a couple points.
One-These lessons are based on my own experiences and interpretations of those events. It is not necessarily fact, although many have been confirmed and shared by my siblings.
Two-I am striving to look at the positive along with the negative. Also, I welcome comments and questions!

Welcome to: Lessons Life Has Taught Me 

Lesson# 1: When You Are One Of Many, You Are Easily Forgotten 

Negative

    I am the youngest of 5 children. My very first memory is of being left in the car in our driveway. I was alone. Staring at my little white shoes. You know, the white kinds more like boots that little ones wear when they are learning to walk? I had fallen asleep in the car after a shopping trip. Mom had unloaded everyone else and the groceries and went about her day. She happened to look out the window and saw me in the car, crying. I was forgotten other times: in stores, as a Children's Museum, in card. To this day, I still fight the urge to make everything between me and my siblings a comparison or competition to please some ambiguous entity. To be special and unique somehow. Otherwise I will be forgotten.
    It still surprises me when someone remembers my name. Or someone I don't know well invites me to hang out, or wants to invest in my life just because I am me. It is often hard to believe that I am anyone special. So, I shrink into the backdrop as much as possible. I believe it is much easier to not offer than risk being forgotten or rejected.

Positive

    When you're one of many, you realize you're part of a bigger picture. You are part of a community. There is always someone better than you, or worse off than you. Although I am an introvert, I do blend well in a community. My tendency is to let others lead, be a support because, after all, I shrink into the backdrop as much as possible and serve others. I will not pretend or imply that I am perfect. Above I talked about my tendency and fighting the desire to be recognized and to stand out. I do want to be important, I want to be somebody. So, my challenge is to recognize that, yes, I am a member of a community, as a human, as a daughter and sister, as a believer in Christ. And as a member of each community, I do have something to offer. So, I need to work on not hiding, and keep offering: I will only be forgotten if I hide. 

 

Losing Marbles: Meeting Goals

        I told myself that I would update our marbles picture once I lost 10lbs...

     That day arrived today! :)

 

      Mine are red... all 10 of them! Clay's are clear... 13. I am reminding myself once again that this is not a competition. 4 of those pounds were lost in the last three weeks. I'm 11lbs away from my original goal of 185 by our anniversary. Which is today! But, I am not discouraged.  Juicing has definitely helped with energy and feeling healthier. I still crave chocolate and sweets but, not as much. We had an adventure trying 3 different restaurants on Saturday to get a Coke. It was so rare for us to eat out and for me to want a soft drink that Clay indulged me. 

      My goals got a bit off track when my chronic migraines and back pain flared up. So, 3 weeks ago I decided to finally call and schedule a chiropractic appointment. My first adjustment was extremely insightful. I discovered I had been living with chronic pain a 4 or more for about 20 years. I hope to get pics of the X-rays taken of my spine it was freaky! 3 adjustments in, 4th scheduled tomorrow, and I feel like my pain is about a 3. Yes, I'm a little excited. 

       So, dear readers, a questions to provoke interaction :) 

      Do you find it easier to become discouraged with a little progress (slow, steady and predictable) or when you progress by leaps and bounds and then plateau?