Legacy

It's been a year ago to the day since life came slamming to a halt with one phone call. 
I miss her. It's complicated.
I know she's with Jesus: whole, healed, simply stunningly beautiful. And I am anxious for the day when she will hug me in heaven and excitedly tell me all she's been doing and learning at the feet of her Great Love. 
This is the speech I was awakened at 5am to write the morning of Mom's memorial. (Although the ending of my speech may not make sense out of context, I went ahead and included it.)

"When I think of Mom- I think of the aching longing inside her to do great things for God. 
I visualize the way her hands waved, her foot wagged, and her eyes sparkled as they brimmed with tear, whenever she spoke of her passion to reach thousands with the message of God's love, redemption and grace. 
She dreamed big. She often grew discouraged: wanting to serve more, to be used mightily. In her struggles to reach the many, she did not always see that the great things begin with the individual. 
Jesus used five loaves and two fish to feed a multitude. Mom's "five loaves" stand here today as a testimony to beating the odds: we all love and serve the Lord. Statistics I learned from studying and doing youth ministry tell me that Mom did something right.
She did her best to pour into us and endow us with a love and passion for God. Her choices and sacrifices while raising us were often unconventional, sometimes misguided, but the desire to so what was right and to honor and follow God with abandon left and echo in all five of our hearts.
For that, I am personally, eternally grateful. 
I often doubt I make a significant impact in this world for Christ. But, when I grow to despair, I remember what I used to say to Mom- God is in the little things. He is interested in individuals. When you show His love to one person, you never know how that can change a life. 
Mom and I often had our best conversations about God through music. Sometimes I struggles in our relationship. But, we could bond over music. I would offer songs for her to hear and in that way I offered part of my heart. One of the last songs I played for her was one of my favorites, and she loved it, too. Matt Redmon's '"10,000 Reasons".
I'll never forget her face as she soaked in a new song. She's blast the volume, sit and listen, bobbing her head, closing her eyes, clapping an intricately, and listening to the lyrics: always trying to sing the chorus the second time it played.
We have provided the lyrics to this song for you in the programs. Pastor Bill will lead us as we participate together in one of her favorite past times.
Let's sing together."