No Further Up The Mountain

Le sigh.

      Gained 2 pounds on vacation. Lost 1 1/2 of those pounds last week then gained it all back this weekend. Trying my best not to get discouraged. But to see my plateau weight again (which I finally moved past right before vacation) is, admittedly discouraging. But, not enough to give up. 

       Our new diet lasted all of one day. We realized how much it would cost to purchase only meat, fruits and vegetables. In one day we had consumed more of our groceries than anticipated (meat is expensive and fresh vegetables require eating a lot of them to feel satiated) and with our penny pinching so we can conquer debt.. yeah. Pus, I was super, super grouchy: stressing over the groceries, menu, and life returning to "normal" after vacation. So, I continued the diet for 2 more days- still hoping to test food sensitivities. On Wednesday night, I tried a bowl of cereal. I checked my heart rate and it maintained itself at 78 bpm. So, no skim milk or cereal sensitivities. 

       Then there was Saturday night.... I will never ever eat again spinach and artichoke dip or potatoes when we're eating out. Still need to test a pure and simple baked potato to see how I react. For now I think it is a combination of oils used to fry in restaurants and potatoes and whatever they use in creamy foods. But, we will see. The experiment continues even if the paleo diet is not strictly adhered to. 

        My lunches last week consisted of lovely salads, some cantaloupe or apple for breakfast and celery and carrots for a snack. I intend to continue that this week. And step up my exercise. I've increased intensity, but in shorter times. Now I need to increase the times along with the intensity. 

I can do this! I would love to reach my goal weight by my birthday. Only 35 more pounds to go. It's taken me 8 months to lose 15 (but only about 5 or those months I was working hard at it) Trying my hardest not to get discouraged. 

         

One Goal Met: New Level of the Mountain to Climb

This update has been long in coming, I know. 

    I finally reached the goal weight that I had set for April! I have lost 17 pounds, I was down to 188. Then we went on vacation. Thankfully, I only added back 2lbs 6 oz. Considering we were not very active beyond walking places, and ate out every night, I am pleased. I tried to be smart and not over eat or get things too horribly unhealthy. I was super encouraged that I desperately missed working out in the mornings. My working out habit has successfully ingrained itself! 

    Being on vacation, eating all sorts of foods we haven't had for a while as we are trying to eat healthier, my stomach reacted more violently than it has for a long time. This has convinced me of what I have suspected for years: I most definitely have some food intolerances and sensitivities. I did some research online and decided I should do the good old stop eating certain foods for a time, then reintroduce them.

    So today, Clay and I have started a very basic diet. We are not eating any grain or dairy or legumes. (the source of many people's intolerances) and are eating fruits, vegetables, and meat (including all nuts but Peanuts,which are actually a legume). My exception to dairy is my ranch salad dressing. If i'm eating tons of salad, I must at least enjoy the flavor a little!  I have a feeling I will be sticking to this one more than Clay. Especially since he does not have any known allergies or intolerances. He is interested to discover if he does after-all. 

    After 2 weeks, we plan on evaluating where we are and how we feel. I do not know when, but we will slowly introduce back the food groups we have stoped eating. I am hoping to be able to diagnose the main culprits to my several digestive and weight-loss issues. Those who know I interact with in the next few weeks... please bear with meis I get exceptionally grumpy. I may be craving bread, or a nice, tall glass of milk. :) 

Dear Ex...

     Why do exes think it's ok to message you? 

      My first thought was, "Who do you think you are?" Followed by, "How dare you invade my life again! Why in the world should I care that you are glad I'm happy, married, finished school and settled down?" And in my head, (I blush) some very bad words.

      I wanted to message him that response. I wanted him to know in no uncertain terms that I was angry. He was the last person in the world I wanted to hear from. I wanted him to know I am not ok with his messaging me. I didn't respond though and do not plan to. 

      After mulling over it some more today, and recalling the half dozen other times exes have messaged me, I came up with a list of things I wish I could tell him but never will. Not just the particular ex who messaged me last night, but to all my exes. 

      The list was the most surprising to me out of all my reactions. 

1- Thank you for the abuse, lies, deceit, and for destroying my life. 

Because now I know what it means to walk in truth and my life has been made new. 

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

2- Thank you for stealing from me physically and financially. 

Because now, at last, I believe I am valuable because I am me and not just for what I have to offer. 

Plus I am better about my finances and know to listen to my gut. 

3- Thank you for teaching me that just claiming to be a Christian doesn't mean you are. 

This taught me about myself. It taught me to be picky, hold my standards high and trust God. This lesson took longer than most but now I have a husband who sees being a Christian as more than a title: it's a lifestyle of imitating Christ and he is seeking to live that out. 

4- Thank you for haunting my dreams and memories and turning them into nightmares. 

Now I can never forget where I've been and what God has rescued me from. It's humbling. It's awesome.

5- Thank you for being the reason I hit rock bottom and realized I would rather die than not pursue Christ and become who He created me to be. 

I will never forget the night of horror when you did what you did and I cried out to Jesus. i am seeing dreams fulfilled as i pursue my beautiful Savior. Thank you.  

6- Thank you for being one of the reasons I learned how vital and freeing forgiveness is. 

That even now, after my initial shock had anger have passed, I am full of gratitude. That I can now pray for you...and mean it. 

I am not who I once was. I did not know how deeply God has worked in me and my heart's  response has shown me that. So, yes, Dear Ex, my last note of gratitude is...Thank you for messaging me.

40 days...or rather about 10.....

 My husband and I decided to do a 40 day media fast of sorts. Our purpose was to see ways we are potentially wasting time on things that are insignificant in the long run. So! 

1-We agreed to only listen to Christian music.

2-We agreed to not spend time reading books just for recreation. 

3-We agreed to not watch movies. 

4-We agreed to not get on social networking sights or on the Internet unless we were getting in touch with friends and family.

This was week 3 and we've kinda given up pursuing the fast.

1- Our music has mostly stayed Christian. I wanted to see how different our attitudes would be if that's all we listened to. We're still trying to stick with it despite some non christian songs mixed in and I feel there is less irritation and bad moods: especially when driving.

2- The second point was more directed towards me, because I'm the most likely of us to spend hours reading. So, I limited myself to reading research, or writing help books. Because of that, I've finished 5 research books I was putting off. I have worked through 3/4 of a writing tools workbook full of exercises to make my writing skills (hopefully) better. I feel accomplished and productive. I forgot how much I love reading research. 

3- Our first 2 weeks of not watching movies actually produced a lot more conversation than we've had in a while. We enjoyed playing some board and video games, hanging out, talking and even had a date night. Yay for spending time together! 2 days ago, we needed to veg and just watch a movie. So, we did. Tonight, we're going to the movies with friends. 

4- Our limiting Facebook failed almost immediately because of events we needed to be updated on and well, notifications kept me scrolling and... yeah. I now recognize I shouldn't be on Facebook while neglecting those I am around. So that is my new challenge. 

So, there is that. We may not have stuck with the fast, but I believe we are more aware of the time we spend and how we spend it. So, I guess it was a success after all?

Have you ever tried a fast like this? Did you end early because you feel you accomplished your goal?Or, is it better to stick through to the end despite everything to discipline yourself?

Lessons Life Has Taught Me: # 1

    I intend for this to be a series of posts. So, I want to preface all of them with a couple points.
One-These lessons are based on my own experiences and interpretations of those events. It is not necessarily fact, although many have been confirmed and shared by my siblings.
Two-I am striving to look at the positive along with the negative. Also, I welcome comments and questions!

Welcome to: Lessons Life Has Taught Me 

Lesson# 1: When You Are One Of Many, You Are Easily Forgotten 

Negative

    I am the youngest of 5 children. My very first memory is of being left in the car in our driveway. I was alone. Staring at my little white shoes. You know, the white kinds more like boots that little ones wear when they are learning to walk? I had fallen asleep in the car after a shopping trip. Mom had unloaded everyone else and the groceries and went about her day. She happened to look out the window and saw me in the car, crying. I was forgotten other times: in stores, as a Children's Museum, in card. To this day, I still fight the urge to make everything between me and my siblings a comparison or competition to please some ambiguous entity. To be special and unique somehow. Otherwise I will be forgotten.
    It still surprises me when someone remembers my name. Or someone I don't know well invites me to hang out, or wants to invest in my life just because I am me. It is often hard to believe that I am anyone special. So, I shrink into the backdrop as much as possible. I believe it is much easier to not offer than risk being forgotten or rejected.

Positive

    When you're one of many, you realize you're part of a bigger picture. You are part of a community. There is always someone better than you, or worse off than you. Although I am an introvert, I do blend well in a community. My tendency is to let others lead, be a support because, after all, I shrink into the backdrop as much as possible and serve others. I will not pretend or imply that I am perfect. Above I talked about my tendency and fighting the desire to be recognized and to stand out. I do want to be important, I want to be somebody. So, my challenge is to recognize that, yes, I am a member of a community, as a human, as a daughter and sister, as a believer in Christ. And as a member of each community, I do have something to offer. So, I need to work on not hiding, and keep offering: I will only be forgotten if I hide. 

 

Losing Marbles: Meeting Goals

        I told myself that I would update our marbles picture once I lost 10lbs...

     That day arrived today! :)

 

      Mine are red... all 10 of them! Clay's are clear... 13. I am reminding myself once again that this is not a competition. 4 of those pounds were lost in the last three weeks. I'm 11lbs away from my original goal of 185 by our anniversary. Which is today! But, I am not discouraged.  Juicing has definitely helped with energy and feeling healthier. I still crave chocolate and sweets but, not as much. We had an adventure trying 3 different restaurants on Saturday to get a Coke. It was so rare for us to eat out and for me to want a soft drink that Clay indulged me. 

      My goals got a bit off track when my chronic migraines and back pain flared up. So, 3 weeks ago I decided to finally call and schedule a chiropractic appointment. My first adjustment was extremely insightful. I discovered I had been living with chronic pain a 4 or more for about 20 years. I hope to get pics of the X-rays taken of my spine it was freaky! 3 adjustments in, 4th scheduled tomorrow, and I feel like my pain is about a 3. Yes, I'm a little excited. 

       So, dear readers, a questions to provoke interaction :) 

      Do you find it easier to become discouraged with a little progress (slow, steady and predictable) or when you progress by leaps and bounds and then plateau?