Dear Ex...

     Why do exes think it's ok to message you? 

      My first thought was, "Who do you think you are?" Followed by, "How dare you invade my life again! Why in the world should I care that you are glad I'm happy, married, finished school and settled down?" And in my head, (I blush) some very bad words.

      I wanted to message him that response. I wanted him to know in no uncertain terms that I was angry. He was the last person in the world I wanted to hear from. I wanted him to know I am not ok with his messaging me. I didn't respond though and do not plan to. 

      After mulling over it some more today, and recalling the half dozen other times exes have messaged me, I came up with a list of things I wish I could tell him but never will. Not just the particular ex who messaged me last night, but to all my exes. 

      The list was the most surprising to me out of all my reactions. 

1- Thank you for the abuse, lies, deceit, and for destroying my life. 

Because now I know what it means to walk in truth and my life has been made new. 

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

2- Thank you for stealing from me physically and financially. 

Because now, at last, I believe I am valuable because I am me and not just for what I have to offer. 

Plus I am better about my finances and know to listen to my gut. 

3- Thank you for teaching me that just claiming to be a Christian doesn't mean you are. 

This taught me about myself. It taught me to be picky, hold my standards high and trust God. This lesson took longer than most but now I have a husband who sees being a Christian as more than a title: it's a lifestyle of imitating Christ and he is seeking to live that out. 

4- Thank you for haunting my dreams and memories and turning them into nightmares. 

Now I can never forget where I've been and what God has rescued me from. It's humbling. It's awesome.

5- Thank you for being the reason I hit rock bottom and realized I would rather die than not pursue Christ and become who He created me to be. 

I will never forget the night of horror when you did what you did and I cried out to Jesus. i am seeing dreams fulfilled as i pursue my beautiful Savior. Thank you.  

6- Thank you for being one of the reasons I learned how vital and freeing forgiveness is. 

That even now, after my initial shock had anger have passed, I am full of gratitude. That I can now pray for you...and mean it. 

I am not who I once was. I did not know how deeply God has worked in me and my heart's  response has shown me that. So, yes, Dear Ex, my last note of gratitude is...Thank you for messaging me.